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Subway Listening

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Plug in your earbuds and hide the cover – the best books you’d rather not get caught reading in public.

There are some books that just shouldn’t see the light of day; books we love in spite of ourselves that we’d rather not be seen reading in polite company These aren’t the YA phenom a few generations below our reading level or the slightly naughty bestseller – everybody’s reading those proudly. No, these are more decidedly uncool; self-help titles for problems we don’t want to admit we have, warm and fuzzy feel-good fiction, unabashed celebrity voyeurism. Still, there’s something about them that keeps bringing us back.

Once upon a time, we would have sought out a brown paper wrapper to hide these guilty pleasures. But now, thanks to the wonders of technology, we can load up on audiobooks, plug in the earbuds, and read in perfect anonymity no matter where we are. Nobody on the subway needs to know your little secret – and we promise, we’ll never tell.

  • Feelings be damned – if it's this good, there can't be anything wrong with reading a book written by a famous actor. Sure, many people will assume that, because Palo Alto is written by a gorgeous Hollywood star, it's going to, well, suck. Let them. Franco's won the favor of editors from McSweeney's to Esquire, and it's easy to see why in this refreshingly gritty depiction of a community normally known as... a crown jewel of Silicon Valley. These stories of delinquent teens succeed because Franco's stripped-back, spare voice conveys the violence of the narrators' lives without becoming unnecessarily showy. Franco is clearly fascinated by adolescence – how we traverse it, what it does to us, and what lasting impressions it leaves – and this fascination is what makes his take on suburban estrangement feel all his own. You may be drawn in to Palo Alto by curiosity and a pretty face, but you'll end up staying for the remarkable writing and lapidary, memorable stories.
    — Scott Esposito

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  • Just because you're embarrassed to be seen reading a book doesn't mean it can't change your life, right? Reportedly rejected by more publishers than any other bestseller in publishing history, Robert M. Pirsig's very personal, very philosophical hybrid is a must for all seekers. It starts innocently enough, with his grad student inquiry into what exactly distinguishes "quality" art from poor art, but this question soon leads Pirsig down a rabbit hole... into a very personal story of losing his sanity in the quest to know how to live a good life. It's a classic tale of finding much peril in an effort to attain prized knowledge, and Pirsig here turns it into a riveting read, as well as a platform for investigating some deep questions. Blending Plato's philosophy with electroshock therapy, motorbike riding and ancient Greek ideals, this is the book you come to for a satisfying look at life's big questions. Before you know it, you'll be thinking about your own answers.
    — Scott Esposito

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  • It's normal to fondly recall the movie version of Mary Poppins. It may seem a bit creepy, though, to be an adult in public waving around P.L. Travers' novel on which the movie was based. The truth is, though, that it's actually a really good novel, and it's not just for kids. Travers' M.P. has a pretty complex personality; she's magical and all that, but also vain and harsh, and her flirtation... with good ol' Bert is downright charming. The book contains some familiar episodes from the movie – the chalk-drawing idyll, the laughing tea party on the ceiling – as well as additional adventures, including a trip to the North Pole and an outing to a candy store where the spinster owner breaks off bits of her peppermint-stick fingers to share with the kids. It's scenes like these that make the original Mary Poppins more strangely compelling than nostalgically sweet.
    — Sara Jaffe

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  • Though creative visualization is well-worn territory for self-help books, The Secret tries something new. The book claims that people's thoughts are the only cause of the events in their lives, meaning that rich people must think wealthy thoughts, fat people must think fat thoughts, and so on.

    The theory may seem unbelievably overstated, but that's part of The Secret's allure. Just when Byrne and her team of spurious "experts" seem to have said... the craziest thing possible, they go on to say something even nuttier. On the topic of losing weight, Byrne suggests, "Write out your perfect weight and place it over the readout of your scale, or don't weigh yourself at all." In the book, self-delusion is a tool, not a problem.

    For better or worse, Byrne's theory of human history attributes nothing to circumstances and everything to the individual, which is problematic in cases like ethnic cleansing or child abuse. But in spite of the book's sometimes hilarious broadness, it does a great job of reminding readers to live life with confidence and intention.
    — Arianna Stern

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  • Back in the days of Beverly Hills 90210, Tori Spelling was the underdog, and we both pitied and rooted for her. Then, in the late 2000s, Tori resurfaced with her reality show, Tori & Dean. She was all over the tabloids, and we wrote off whatever underdog cred we'd once assigned her. So here's the good news about Uncharted TerriTORI, and why, should your indier-than-thou friends make fun of you for downloading... it, you can set them in their place: Tori actually is an underdog. Or, at least, kind of. She's totally stressed out all the time. She and Dean are "struggling" to pay the mortgage. Her kids throw tantrums, she had a miscreant pet pig, and the press calls her "too thin." Oh, and she thinks of herself as basically a gay man. Plus she reads the audiobook herself, seems to have a decent sense of humor, and says "shit" a lot. Back off, naysayers: this is still the Tori we knew and (sort of) loved.
    — Sara Jaffe

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  • Even if pickup master Mystery's occasionally crass step-by-step guide to romance isn't something you want to be seen reading, the fact is, you probably want to know how his tried-and-tested tools actually work. This breezily written memoir-cum-game-plan dishes all the goods while giving you a look at the life of a true 21st-century Don Juan. From comfort-building and lock-in props to sealing the deal, catchy tips like "bullshit baffles brains," and, oh... yeah, his crazy friend Matador, Mystery gives a stunningly thorough account of dating psychology, all told in his enjoyably confident – and occasionally fatuous – tone. Whether you're the ice-cold operator who can bag a phone number before the drink's even hit the cocktail napkin or the sweet guy who wants help taking charge of the local dating scene, you will learn things from Mystery. Play on, player, just remember to follow the rules.
    — Scott Esposito

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